Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

You may have heard that the renowned animal behaviorist Dr. Sophia Yin passed away yesterday. I never met Dr. Yin. I never had the opportunity to attend one of her seminars. But I read her work and occasionally provided her handouts to my both my dog training and my social work clients. To say that she made a real difference in the field is an understatement. To say she will be sorely missed, well, that's been said many times, and by people far more eloquent than I.

Instead, I want to address the elephant in the room: her death was the result of suicide.

At first blush, this is shocking. Dr. Yin was incredibly successful and influential. Her public persona was upbeat and positive. So how could she take her own life?

I doubt we will ever know the details of what led her to that decision. I'm not sure that we need to. But what we do need to do is be kind. 

I call myself a positive dog trainer, and I think most of my readers do, too. At its most basic, positive dog training is about being kind to our dogs. This is admirable; I believe that all living beings deserve kindness, compassion, and respect. And the key words there? All living beings.

Be kind to others. Everyone in this world is struggling with something. We all have our challenges. We all have bad days. Thankfully, many of us will never have suicidally bad days... but then again, maybe many of us do. How can we know if we never talk about it?

The truth is, there is so much stigma in this world around mental health. We are afraid to share our struggles with depression or anxiety or many others because somehow we've bought into the lie that these conditions make us "less than." I'm not saying that we need to share our struggles with the world. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't. What I am saying is that we all need someone we can reach out to in times of need, whether it's family, friends, a professional, or even a helpline.

Because when it comes right down to it, we are all worthy of love and belonging. Our dogs are. Our friends are. The people we don't like are. You are. I am. We are all worthy of love and belonging.

So... be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Be kind.

With Apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love your furry face and mismatched ears,

And the way you bravely face all your fears.

Your enthusiasm and joyful displays

Warm my heart and bring sweetness to my days.

I love the way you fill my life with light,

I love the sheen in your eyes when you’re right,

I love your tail wag when I give you praise;

You make me proud, pup- I’m your biggest fan.

It may sound silly and it may sound trite,

But I love you more since I first began.

Oh, please believe that I’m glad when you’re near,

For I love thee truly, and if I can,

I shall love thee better each passing year.

Crystalling

to crystal
crys-tal [kris-tl], verb, -talled, -talling.
To worry excessively over a minor ailment, typically pet-related. 

Maisy, bored stiff at the vet clinic.

I am a terribly worrier. About everything, really, but things tend to intensify when it’s pet-related. It’s so bad that a good friend actually created a word to describe the condition.

To be honest, I think my vet might think I’m a hypochondriac-by-proxy. Not long ago, I took Maisy in for an appointment, convinced that she needed a dental. She didn’t; in fact, the vet was actually impressed with the condition of her mouth- and by how cooperative she was (good girl, Maisy!).

A few months ago, orange kitty was limping. I took him in, and the x-rays (of course I did x-rays) showed that he has some arthritis- shocking, I know, in an 11-year-old cat. I did the same thing with Maisy not long after- she’s had an intermittent limp for years. It goes away with chiropractic and massage, but I wanted x-rays to check things out. Thankfully, there was nothing.

I’ve spent money on urologists and ultrasounds. I’ve hired cardiologists to do echocardiograms. I know where the three closest animal emergency clinics are, and I’ve spent more money than I knew was possible on lab work.

Most of the time, I don’t feel bad about this. I love my pets, and I prefer to take care of issues when they’re still small. I was recently seriously embarrassed, though, when I scheduled a behavior consult for the cats. They were fighting all the time, and I felt bad that they were obviously so miserable. I took behavior logs and about a billion videos. And as it turns out… they were playing. I cannot even begin to describe how mortified I was. Here I was, making a complete fool out of myself to a woman I really admire. Thankfully, she was really nice about it, saying that she respected how much I care about my pets.

Heaven help me if I ever have children, though.


Today’s post was inspired by Rescued Insanity.

Thanksgiving

 
“Who's your favorite dog trainer?”

The question came out of nowhere. My husband Brian and I were lazing around in bed, discussing what we might do that weekend, when he asked.

“Um... That's a hard one. Denise Fenzi, maybe?”

“Not me?”

I laughed, explaining that I thought he was asking about famous trainers. But everything about the question- from the fact that he even asked it to the wounded look on his face when I didn't name him- reminded me that this Thanksgiving, I am profoundly thankful for my husband. There are many, many reasons for this, but since this is a dog blog, I will try to narrow them down to the canine-related.

Perhaps the thing I am most grateful for is that he shares my dog training philosophy. Like me, he avoids the use of pain and fear when interacting with dogs. He doesn't feel the need to intimidate or dominate our dog. He isn't afraid to use some praise and a handful of treats. He supports both the things I set out to do with Maisy and the way I do them.

Brian's also very giving. He drives me to out-of-state trials, spends hours at runthroughs with me, recently volunteered to steward at the obedience trial I chaired, and handles dogs at the shelter dog class I've been working with. He's good at it too- the man has a natural talent that makes me envious, and he's great with shy and fearful dogs.

He's incredibly smart and well-educated- Dr. Duxbury, my dog's veterinary behaviorist, once said so after hearing him make a very insightful comment on a video of Maisy we were watching. He has read many of the classic positive reinforcement books, from Pryor to McConnell, and he's gone to his own fair share of dog seminars. Heck, he even went to Clicker Expo with me! We have some fascinating discussions around our house about things like stress, tertiary reinforcers, and the role of medication in behavior modification.

The seminar thing is pretty awesome in its own right, but it also means that he doesn't complain about how much I spend on dog stuff, including on Maisy herself. She's a pretty expensive little dog, and things like veterinary behaviorists, chiropractors, and pre-made raw diets add up. Thankfully, he doesn't mind a bit, and will even let me know when he thinks she's due for another massage.

Which brings me to perhaps his best attribute: he loves my dog. It's true- he's head over heels for her, which is a good thing because Maisy and I? We're a package deal. As it turns out, though, I think the same might be true with him.

I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, but Brian is at the top of my list. I love you, honey.

(P.S.- In case you're wondering, his favorite dog trainer is Sara Reusche. I pretended to be upset that he didn't choose me, but he just smiled impishly. I'd get mad at him, but he's so cute when he's being a brat.)

Dear Boston, I Hate You

Dear Boston,

I am writing to lodge a formal complaint against you. While I have never even set foot in Massachusetts, I believe I am justified in my hatred of you.

You see, two years ago, Maisy had a reactive meltdown at a trial while in the ring. Afterward, a very nice woman named Robin approached me, handed me a business card, and invited us to join her reactive dog class. I accepted. A month later, that same trainer would assign the class some homework: What is Your Goal for Your Dog? I think we were just supposed to think about the question and answer it, but I turned in five typed pages on how and when Maisy would earn her ARCH. Despite her horror (or perhaps because of it?), that trainer grew to be a friend.

This week, my trainer-slash-friend Robin moved to your fair city.

I will miss her terribly. All of the late night chats, snarky emails, road trips (okay, there was only one, but still, I wanted more!), and even the Kidlet- you have stolen them all from me, Boston. And while it's true that I've learned a lot from her- how to put so much of that book knowledge into practice, that I'm the expert on my own dog, the fact that I can say no to a suggestion from a trainer (although I suspect that she regreted that sometimes), the importance of protecting my dog, that ribbons aren't everything, and that sometimes, a flawless off-leash recall in the woods is far more satisfying than a perfect score- while I've learned all that from her, I feel like there's so much more left to learn!

And yet I have no choice, Boston, because you have stolen her away from me. Therefore, I must once again state my displeasure with you and your trainer-slash-friend stealing ways.

No Love,
Crystal

PS- Is this karma? I know you gave us my friend Elizabeth, but I'm selfish and really would like to have both.

PPS- If you have any citizens that are looking for a good dog trainer (especially for crazy dogs), tell them to let me know.

We Have Cookies

...at least, we will soon.

Although dog training is my passion, by trade, I am a social worker. For several years now, I have worked at a program that teaches vocational skills to people with disabilities. We do this primarily on-site through a variety of contract jobs that allow our clients to get paid while developing employment skills. We also support them in community work, when it’s available, by providing job coaches.

While this model has been around for 40 or 50 years, it’s no longer sustainable, either economically or socially. Our services are expensive, so the state is looking for cheaper options, and parents want a more normalized work experience for their children. The current trend is moving towards independent community jobs, which my co-workers and I find ridiculous; while our system may not be perfect, many of my clients really don’t have the ability to work alone. Independent job placement might work for some people, but it will never work for ours.

I've always believed this, and in fact, never even questioned this line of thinking until last week. I had this conversation at work, and then went home and posted an entry about people who say positive training can’t work for certain kinds of dogs. Talk about a moment of cognitive dissonance! Here I was, professionally stuck in the very same box I was arguing against.

I’ve never experienced anything other than positive methods. When I first got Maisy, I didn’t know anything about dog training, so while I was committed to having a well-mannered canine citizen, I had no idea where to start. I signed up for a class at the first place that I found, and it was simply by chance that it happened to be clicker-based. I could have just as easily ended up somewhere that used more traditional methods.

I’m glad I didn’t. I have found that positive-reinforcement training is not only effective for a wide variety of issues, but it is also easy, fun, and most importantly, emphasizes relationships and teamwork. I simply couldn’t understand why people would want to inflict pain on their best friends if they didn’t have to.

Then I realized that in my professional life, I am the traditional method. Like traditional training methods, the model I work under is effective for the vast majority. The idea that there is something else that might work equally well, if not better, is hard to swallow- we have a long history of success. More than that, people I respect and admire believe in the way we do things. Thanks, but we’ll just stay over here, doing what we know works, while other people try out new things that may or may not pan out.

So, not only do I have a new-found understanding for the position of people who are using traditional training methods, I am also in awe of the courage it must take to cross over to positive methods. That is a huge leap of faith which requires a radically new mindset and a departure from everything- and everyone- that is familiar.

For my readers that are traditional trainers (if I have any), I think I understand you a little better now. Sticking with the familiar is comfortable and easy, and there's no incentive to try something new if what you're currently doing works. I’m certainly not looking to leave my job just because there might be a better method out there. However, I think you should know that we have cookies.

For my readers that have crossed over, I'm proud of you- and impressed. I'm sure that was a hard decision, and I’d love to hear your story. Did you have a dramatic experience that changed you forever? Or was it a number of little things that convinced you when they were all added up? Or did you just hear that we have cookies?

For my readers that are like me, who have always trained with positive methods, I have a challenge: avoid judging the others. I know how defensive I feel in my professional life when my company is criticized for the services we provide. I’ve been told that I don’t care about the people I work with, that I’m being exploitive and segregating them from the community. But I do care- I just don’t know how to do this differently. The system is set up to maintain the status quo, even while railing against it.

So, while I’m not sure what I will do professionally, I know that personally, I need to strive for kindness in my criticism, for tolerance in my teachings, and above all, I need to remember that a positive trainer is as nice to the people around her as she is to her dog. We need to share the cookies.

One Year Blog-iversary!

Wow! Today marks one year of blogging!

I'm pretty impressed with myself; when I started this blog I seriously doubted that I'd keep up with it regularly. This is post number 147, though, so I guess I've done okay!

To celebrate, I'm hosting a Mystery Giveaway! If you win, I will send you a special surprise in the mail.

(It probably won't be a cat, though. Sorry.)

To enter, all you need to do is leave a comment. It can be about anything, but if you need a topic, I'd love it if you told me about the coolest trick your dog can do, or about a trick you really want to teach your dog, or even about the cool trick you saw a dog do once. I'm not picky. Please make sure that I can contact you somehow (either through your blog, or leave an email address), and let me know if you or your dog have any food allergies just in case I decide to do a food-related surprise.

I will choose a winner at random next Friday morning, and will update this post when I do.

Update, Friday, December 10th:
Okay, it's time to choose a winner! I used my favorite random number generator to pick a number between 1 and 18:

And who does that comment belong to?

Congrats, Dawn! I will be emailing you to arrange for you to receive your prize! I love that you have Magic pick things up for you. I'm still working on teaching Maisy how to do that, so I'm envious!

And thanks to everyone who entered. I loved reading about what your dogs do. There are some neat ideas in the comments, and I'm excited to try them!

You Can Take the Geek Away from the Dogs...

She's down there... somewhere...

On Tuesday night, I went to the Lady Gaga concert. Wait, wait! I promise this will relate to dog training. After all, you can take the geek away from dogs, but you can’t… stop her… from thinking about dogs? I don’t know- I can’t make the metaphor work, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I know that The Lady is not for everyone, and that’s fine. I’m not here to convince you that she’s the best thing to hit the airwaves in the last 10 years (although, in my opinion, she is. Before that, the best thing was Bree Sharp). But no matter if you love her or hate her, I think we can learn from her. As a result, I present to you…

The Top Four Things I Learned About Dog Training from Lady Gaga

1. Success takes hard work.
When Lady Gaga puts on a show, she goes all out. I was amazed by the fact that she could dance that well for that long. I mean, over 2 hours of all-out cardio would probably cause me to die of a heart attack. Not her, though. It’s clear that she’s put a lot of effort into her stage show, plus, she writes all of her own lyrics and plays the piano. She’s worked hard to get where she is.

Don’t get me wrong- success also takes talent, and a little bit of luck. But far and away, the most important ingredient for success is working hard. This means taking the time to build strong foundations for our dogs, proofing the exercises through increasing distractions, and educating ourselves on the best ways to train.

2. It’s not all about you.
Lady Gaga’s stage show was one-part charity fundraiser (for Re*Generation, a charity tackling youth homelessness), one-part social cause (gay rights, to which she devoted several songs), and one-part fan appreciation. The Lady really loves her fans, and she even delivered a lovely message that at the end of the night, we shouldn’t love her more, but rather, love ourselves more.

I suspect that the people who read my blog will agree with me: Dog sports are not all about us, the handlers. Part of why I enjoy training and trialing is the bond that I form with my dog in the process. I love the way it deepens our relationship. And I constantly remind myself that I will never sacrifice my dog’s well-being for the sake of a title. My dog doesn’t “owe” me anything, and her purpose is not to make me look good or to stroke my ego about what a good trainer I am. We’re a team. If she’s not having fun, if she doesn’t want to do it, that’s it. We’re done.

3. You have to follow your dreams.
Lady Gaga is really all about embracing your “inner freak.” She acknowledged that sometimes the media sends awful messages about how we ought look and think and act, but that we shouldn’t let society’s judgments stop us from being who we are, or who we want to become.

I think it’s easy to become discouraged sometimes, especially when you have a non-traditional breed, or a Dog with Issues. And yes, it will be more difficult for my friend and her greyhound to do obedience, or for Maisy to become a champion. We might never get there- see point 2 above- but that doesn’t mean we should give up before we even start.

4. Live in the moment.
I know this might sound odd, given Lady Gaga’s over-the-top costumes, crazy antics, and general theatrics, but the overall vibe I got from her was that of humility and thankfulness. She seems to know that popularity can be fleeting, and she doesn’t take that for granted. I think she’s loving every minute of what she’s got, knowing that it might be gone next year.

And isn’t that an important message for us all? It’s easy to dream big, or to get so focused on what we want that we forget to appreciate what we have right now. No matter where we are, whether it’s winning first place in the ring, or napping in the back yard with our dogs, we should appreciate that moment for everything that it is.